Personal Blog.

I need out of this house.
I feel like I'm going to have a mental breakdown.
Another household screamfest, I don't even consider it a family anymore. My mum comes in & threatens to take away everything I own if I post ANYTHING about being depressed Or anything to do with the fight on facebook or say anything to anyone.
I'm tired of having to bottle everything up.
I'm tired of having so much to bottle up.
I'm shaking & using all my willpower to refrain from breaking down. But I'm used to having to put up a tough exterior. Too used to it. Everything that's bottled up crashing like heavy waves against the walls I've built up, threatening to break.. There's too much. I feel like if I curled up into a ball & cried out all my pain I may lay there for eternity..
All this because my sister didn't let my brother use her profile on xbox. So my brother flipped out about it. It's hers to say yes or no to, she paid for it, & because she didn't share, my dad called her a stupid little bitch & my mum told her she was giving away her iPod. I told them I thought that was unfair, & because of that, the wrath turned on me. They threatened to take away everything I own, deny me access to the internet, & smash my xbox because I'm "immature". Yeah. I know I'm a fuck up. I know I'm a let down. A biiiig disappointment. You remind me of that with every mutter under your breath when you think I'm not listening.
I want out of here so bad... I'm not a religious person, but I've been praying every night that I get across on the ferry.
But at the same time, I feel like I'm the only sane person in my house, & I'm my sister's rock, I'm going to feel unbareably guilty leaving my sister with these people.
My brother manipulates every one in the family & gets her in trouble so much, & my parents are quick to jump down her throat, because it's so much easier to dump everything on her than to deal with my agressive brother.
My mother is a huge bitch to my sister 95% of the time. Grounds my sister 24/7, never let's her out, takes everything away from her, puts her down all the time calling her stupid, an idiot, a dumb bitch, tells her she looks like a whore when she does her makeup.
My sister is completely scared of my dad because all he does is scream & hit people.
My sister is sitting here talking about wanting to run away, how badly she doesn't wanna be here, how she sometimes thinks about suicide. & I know exactly how she feels because I hated it so badly, I got so depressed I was cutting myself & when I got so low I started thinking about suicide, I DID run away to NYC, the farthest place from them where they wouldn't be able to find me.
Things aren't so stressful when my brother isn't here...but that's not the case.
I want to slip into a sweet coma until my boyfriend comes on the 20th. My sister too. We're happier when we sleep. We usually fall asleep holding eachother's hands.
I'm tired of this Hell.
But I don't want to abandon my sister in it either.
I know I have to take care of myself, but I'm all she has.
Even though I put on a tough exterior for her, she's kind of my rock too.

Spotlight of the Day: Monaux

Today's spotlight of the day is on Monaux aka Karl Kawsny, the 26 year old from Australia.

His art has a somewhat classic  feel to it & I love it.

If you want to see more, click here!

I keep procrastinating my workout regime /le sigh. I'm so fucking lazy sometimes. Gotta kick myself in the ass. Shit is so heavy here though, I get depressed & don't wanna do anything. Being like that is the opposite of my demeanor though, opposite of my personality. I'm happy, upbeat, bubbly, spontaneous, definately not a homebody. I just can't be myself here. It's so restricting.

I'm the black sheep of my family.
I've always felt that way. Ever since I was little.



Spotlight of the Day: Agnes Cecile

Today's spotlight is the wonderfully talented Agnes Cecile, of whom I am in love with their style, from Rome, Italy.

Cecile's work doesn't need words.

For more, click here.

On a side note, I'm starting a new diet & excercise regime. My boyfriend is coming to visit in a month & I want to look better than my best. My next post might be some thinspo, don't hate me for it. I'm not into the jutting spines and hip bones, I mean an althletic, healthy, in shape, yet still shapely. My type of thinspo, not crazy bitches with ED's type of thinspo.



Spotlight of the Day: Gutter Face

Today's spotlight is on the magnificent Gutter Face aka Joji Viktor Biernot.
I normally wouldn't showcase a photographer, not that it's any less of an art form, I just appreciate traditional & digital art more-so. But something about this androgynous lovely (whom is actually a boy) caught my eye.
He fascinates me. /heart

For more from Gutter Face, click here!



Spotlight of the Day: Skottie Young & Berk Ozturk

Today's spotlight(s) are on Skottie Young & Berk Ozturk! That's right, today was so fruitful, I had to show off two artists, so let's get going!

Let's start with Skottie Young from Illinois. I love his style, it's a bit cartoonish, a bit abstract, a bit crazy. He's illustrated for known companies such as Marvel, Warner Bros., & Mattel, & uses Sketchbook Pro as his main drawing tool. All good in my books! If you want to see more of Mr.Young's work click here!

Our second spotlight is on Berk Ozturk from Istanbul/Turkey. Don't know a lot about his work... except it ROCKS! Check out more here!



Spotlight of the Day: Bonhwa

Today's spotlight is on the fantastic Bonhwa. An amazing artist from England, whom uses CS5, Painter 9, & intuos4m to create.

I find his style to be really unique, & I stalk his website on the regular to see if he has put out anything new. His website is here if you'd like to check out more!

Outward & Onward!

I also wanted to apolagise for my last post on Pin-Ups, it was poorly done, sort of thrown together, & I didn't include any of the model's websites. For that I might delete it, & do another Pin-Up spotlight down the road... Properly!